


Notes on Cardassian Courtship

by IcyKali



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Analysis, Cardassian Culture, Cardassians, Courtship, Essays, Flirting, Headcanon, Many episode references, Multi, Other Characters and Relationships Discussed, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29372289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyKali/pseuds/IcyKali
Summary: An analysis and interpretation of the possible principles of Cardassian Courtship and how it may function, viewed through the lens of both canon and non-canon romantic relationships!
Relationships: Damar/Weyoun (Star Trek), Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Natima Lang/Quark, Odo/Quark (Star Trek)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	1. Intro to Cardassian Courtship

**Author's Note:**

> A running theme in all my DS9 fic has been explorations and interpretations of Cardassian courtship. It's one of my favorite things. I’ve spent a lot of time devising a system that I think makes a lot of sense and that I reference in all of my fanwork. At the request of darthpumpkinspice here on AO3 I decided to share it! In honor of Valentine’s Day, here are my headcanons, featuring canon and non-canon ships alike!

Cardassian courtship tends to be vitriolic and rife with arguments from all participants, whether it is flirtation in the leadup to a one-night stand or a lifelong romance. However, established romantic relationships tend to be more openly sappy and calm. See how Tekeny Ghemor spoke about his late wife. This isn’t a universal thing—in fact, a relationship retaining its argumentative qualities could be seen as admirably energetic and youthful—but a calmer future is most common. Quark and Odo (though neither are Cardassian themselves) met on Terok Nor during the Occupation and seem to be in some sort of established Cardassian courtship but never reduced the level of vitriol.

The main principle behind these vitriolic courtships is the intimacy of anger. It involves hashing everything out to get to the heart of your love. Part of the reason this seems so sentimental is because of how repressive Cardassia’s State can be, and how much it limits free speech. To share one's true, differing opinions passionately with someone is very intimate, as is the ability to annoy/be annoyed or even absolutely excoriate one’s love/be excoriated with no hard feelings. In addition, the intimacy of anger isn't limited to disagreements. It also involves the ability to explode with rage around one's love with the shared trust that no one will be hurt. “A Time to Stand” features a scene of Weyoun presenting an amiable mask before suddenly exploding at Damar, revealing the stress he is actually under. 

Elements often found in these courtship arguments are insults and challenges, normally involving whatever field the object of one's affections specializes in or cares about. Gilora Rejal’s insults regarding O’Brien’s engineering are a very good example. Insults may also contain a hidden compliment or confession embedded within them. See something Garak tells Bashir:

> GARAK: I can’t believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into at your smug, sanctimonious face. I hate this place and I hate you.

Really, at the heart of these words is the fact that his time spent with Bashir is the light of his life, but this romantic confession is couched in terms that make it sound like that's all a sign of his degradation. This confession of “hatred” is really a Cardassian confession of love.

Courtship challenges can be similar to romantic insults, but they more directly call upon the object of one’s affections to grow/improve/be honest. Here is Quark providing an example, challenging Natima Lang: 

> QUARK: All right, then say it. Let me hear you say there isn’t a spark of love left in you.

> NATIMA: There isn’t a spark of love left in me.

> QUARK: I heard that.

> NATIMA: What?

> QUARK: You hesitated. Admit it, you still care.

Sometimes the challenge is phrased in a less obvious fashion. Here is Weyoun, challenging Damar: 

> DAMAR: I wouldn't trust a Cardassian that didn’t enjoy a glass of kanar every once in a while.

> WEYOUN: Tell me, Damar, when you’re alone, do you even bother with a glass, or do you just drink that swill directly from the bottle?

> DAMAR: Depends on my mood. 

This exchange contains insults from both parties, but Weyoun’s double as a challenge to reduce the drinking. Meanwhile, Damar both compares Weyoun to a Cardassian while simultaneously implying that he has reason not to trust him. This exchange would be a very typical one for Cardassian courtships in general, and overall the interactions between these two characters would be extremely ordinary for a Cardassian romance. 

When individuals from different cultures engage in Cardassian courtship, it is common for their arguments to involve each other’s media or traditions while also taking cues from them in private. This characterizes practically all of Bashir’s and Garak’s debates.

Generally, flat-out insults, particularly regarding one's intelligence, tend to be viewed as more feminine, whereas boasting, swaggering challenges tend to be viewed as more masculine.

Dukat’s behavior should not be considered typical of most Cardassian courtship because he tends to be interested in and prey on Bajorans, and not treat them as his equals. That being said, Kira’s disgust and insults toward him probably feed into his fantasies because he can pretend she has a flirtatious motivation.

Shows of strength are a final element involved in Cardassian courtship. Power and survivability are traits considered highly desirable among Cardassians, possibly due to the oppressive conditions in which they’ve lived, or perhaps for older, more mystical reasons. Responding to one’s love’s stubbornness by using a show of strength to overpower them for their own good is considered one of the most romantic gestures of all, and may often involve shooting one’s lover. See Bashir's shooting Garak or Natima's shooting Quark. In the case of Bashir, that instance was particularly romantic because he later recited Garak’s own words in order to resolve the situation, indicating that he had listened intently and valued his stance despite disagreeing with it heartily.

A method of expressing affection that is a clear declaration and acknowledgement of romantic love is pressing palms together. The depth of the affection can be indicated by the strength of the contact and the length of time the palms remain flush. Brief contact may be more cheeky and potentially platonic, but a sustained, firm hold is as clear as a romantic profession. Garak and Bashir share this sort of touch in “The Wire” when Garak asks if Bashir will forgive him and Bashir agrees. Curling one’s fingers around another’s during a pressing of palms, or interlacing them, is even more romantic. 

Pressing foreheads together is a sign of deep, unconditional love in Cardassian culture. It is a gesture normally reserved for family members and partners who plan to be or already are married. 

Key episodes: 

“Profit and Loss” explores reconnecting with an old flame in a Cardassian respect.

“The Ascent” when viewed through the lens of Cardassian courtship rituals, centers on a couple in a life or death situation giving their all for each other to the very end. 

“Our Man Bashir” can be analyzed as an example of picking at one’s love interest to relieve tension, as well as for a romantic show of strength at its climax. 

“Destiny” involves a cultural miscommunication and explicitly states that arguing is how Cardassians flirt. 


	2. Cardassian Courtship Versus Other Arguments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An addition delving into how Cardassian courtship differs from other disagreements Cardassians have!

The arguments of Cardassian courtship come down to trust and growth. If these are precepts not at the heart of an argument, it is not courtship. 

For example, disagreements that are solely passive-aggressive are unlikely to be Cardassian courtship, because the courtship is about honesty and one’s true self. This sort of thing is not courtship behavior:

> WEYOUN: Keep your voice down. Our men need to see that we're still allies. Smile. Dukat.

> DUKAT: I'm smiling.

Neither is this conversation between Dukat and Garak over subspace:

> DUKAT: Garak, you have got to talk to Sisko. Tell him he has to find a way to stop the Klingons. Cardassia has enough problems right now.

> GARAK: You're having trouble keeping the civilians in line?

> DUKAT: How do you know about that?

> GARAK: I'm afraid that since the fall of the Obsidian Order, Cardassian security isn't what it used to be.

> DUKAT: Yes. Shame about the Order. I suppose there won't be much of a demand for your services anymore. Looks like you'll be hemming women's dresses for the rest of your life.

> GARAK: We can stand here all day reminding ourselves just how much we hate each other, but you don't have the time. The Klingon fleet will reach Cardassian territory in less than one hour. I suggest you prepare for them.

Notice how Garak chooses to cut through the charade and get down to business. This is not characteristic of courtship.

Body language can be very useful in determining what is a courtship argument and what isn’t. Gilora Rejal gets up in O’Brien’s personal space when she’s insulting him, and as many have pointed out, at the beginning of “Our Man Bashir” Garak and Bashir are breathing each other’s air, they’re so close.

The most important way to determine what is courtship and what isn’t is to search for the motivation behind the actions. If there are insults and arguments without hidden compliments, that hide no desire for increased intimacy or insight into another person, and that carry no challenge to become a better person or partner, it isn’t courtship. It’s important to remember that even Cardassian couples can have non-romantic disagreements, too. Although many would disagree with this, in “Improbable Cause,” when Bashir uses “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” as an allegory and argues with Garak over it, the tones of voice and the characters’ body language reveal that this was either a non-romantic argument or the two of them issued and rejected or failed each other’s courtship challenges in that moment.  
  
Although Weyoun isn’t a Cardassian, I recommend comparing the arguments he has with Damar and Dukat in order to better understand the difference between Cardassian courtship and just plain disagreements. For example, Cardassian courtship is about showing your loved one your true self, or a side of yourself you don’t show others. So when in one of the first interactions Weyoun has with Damar in “A Time to Stand,” Weyoun suddenly explodes at him in a highly uncharacteristic manner, to the point his voice echoes, it’s very telling. Contrast this with how much Weyoun keeps his voice steady when he’s disagreeing with Dukat’s statements during this scene. In “Favor the Bold” a very similar moment occurs:

> WEYOUN: Now, why have those fleets gathered there?

> DAMAR: I'm not sure.

> WEYOUN: You're not sure? Two large enemy fleets break off from the front lines and rendezvous at a starbase and you have no idea why?

> DUKAT: Well, we'll have to find out, won't we?

> WEYOUN: See that you do.

What Weyoun says to Damar here carries shades of the sort of fiery behavior seen with Gilora and O’Brien, but as soon as Dukat turns to him, Weyoun makes one curt statement and rushes out of the room. It is possible that Weyoun is not only trying his best to be diplomatic with Dukat, but also trying to make sure he doesn’t accidentally lead Dukat to believe he’s being flirtatious.

Later on, Weyoun behaves differently in front of Damar in other ways as well. Weyoun's energy level seems to be much lower, and he comes across as exhausted and stressed constantly despite being on his best behavior in front of others. This demonstrates that Weyoun doesn't just show Damar an uncharacteristic volatility, but also other sides of his personality that are usually hidden. A moment like Damar's convincing Weyoun to try killing a Founder would not have happened with anyone else.


End file.
